Empaths in Dating & Relationships
How to navigate dating as an empath
I talk about empathy, I talk about sexual empathy, but what I haven’t talked too much about yet is what empaths are like on the dating scene or in relationships. I work with my clients so often on healing past relationships and manifesting their ideal relationship. I thought it was time we tackled all of these VERY exciting topics.
The thing about relationships and dating is that it’s so incredibly charged. We get so fired up talking about relationships and dating with everyone, even strangers. It’s often a very common topic to bring up with anyone and one of the first things you ask people. There’s this understanding that finding THE person is one of those life goals that everyone has on their list (though that’s not the case for everyone).
As I’m recently navigating the dating scene again myself, I notice so much energetic charge for myself and the people around me. That charge rarely shows up anywhere else in our lives. There’s so much validation, invalidation, security, insecurity that shows up as we date and search for the ideal relationship.
Let’s talk about empaths in dating and relationships. If you’re an empath, it means you absorb the thoughts, emotions, energies, opinions of other people and the world around you (sometimes without even realizing it). If we are connected to someone in this charged area of life like relationships/dating where we are being extremely vulnerable and in the end, looking to mate, our empathy can be heightened.
How to know if you are a relationship empath
Do you absorb your partner’s emotions and stress? Are you afraid of being smothered or losing your identity in close relationships? Does too much togetherness bring anxiety? Do you need to be alone to recharge your batteries? Do you prefer sleeping alone? Do arguments make me ill or exhausted? Do you have difficulty setting boundaries? Is your energy shifted when you spend time with partners or go on dates? Do you feel more empowered single?
These can all be indicators that you are a relationship empath. You don’t necessarily have to be in a relationship to experience this. You can certainly be absorbing the emotions of someone on the first date or even talking to them on the apps. We all have absorbed so much from our upbringing up until current time that has shaped the way we see dating, relationships, sex, and ourselves. When we date someone, all of this is being exchanged.
For example, think about all the relationships that you’ve encountered and known that have influenced your perspective on relationships. The relationships of your parents, your own, your friends, people in TV/movies/social media have all influenced your perspective on how a relationship should look. You carry this through your dating life and relationships and your partner does the same with their experiences.
Even general society has taught us that relationships should look a certain way which influences the choices we make and the way we interact in the dating scene. As we enter a relationship and build on that intimacy and vulnerability, our sensitivity will be heightened because of how connected we are to our partner. The closer we grow to someone, the more our sensitivities are heightened.
Empaths Love HARD, but often for the wrong people
Because we are so sensitive, we feel emotions deeply, deeper than average. Because of this, the energy and emotion can feel even more intense. So when we fall in love, we can fall deeply and quickly (this I also think has a lot to do with your astrology and is dependent on the empath).
Why do empaths fall for unavailable people? Especially toxic partners / narcissists? If you haven’t listened to my episode on the empath / narcissist relationships, you should. Empaths tend to be attracted to people who are not available or create a toxic environment for the relationship because the empath sees the best and the potential in them. Empaths believe and want to bring the best out in them.
While an empath might feel that strong soulmate connection to the narcissist or less than ideal partner, they’ll also get confused when the “soulmate” isn’t available and doesn’t reciprocate feelings. This strong emotional charge could be from past lives and not in the current lifetime. It’s important to remember that the other person isn’t often operating from the soul like we see they could. This is something that comes up with my clients often, especially when they are navigating relationships and separation from one of those relationships that’s so fiery and passionate but equally bad for us. The distinction I help them make is that they are not operating from the soul in this lifetime. Releasing the potential and fantasy of what could have been is so important in healing.
Why do empaths sometimes lose their identity in relationships?
Empaths lose their identity in relationships because they take on their partner so much. They absorb their thoughts, emotions, opinions of their partner which can leave very little room for their own energy. This is why narcissists are so attracted to empaths because their energy is malleable and the narcissist can manipulate their thoughts and decisions so easily, making the empath think it was their own idea to begin with. This is why it’s especially important for an empath to build their own identity outside of a relationship first so that their partner can’t infiltrate their identity or power. And if they do, the empath can clearly see what their partner is doing.
For example, if you date someone who is not secure in themselves, you can notice a shift in your energy becoming equally insecure and matching their energy. With this, an empath can start to lose their sense of identity taking on their partners’ energy.
Why do we keep settling for toxic relationships?
It’s often because we are used to toxic or unhealthy relationships and that’s where we are comfortable — feeling small and unworthy of a healthy relationship. It’s common to see unhealthy relationships either in our parents, somewhere in our upbringing, or our early personal relationships that make us think that’s what we need to settle for.
A huge piece of my work in coaching is helping my clients work through the imprints that have molded our understanding of what a relationship looks like and create a new idea and story of our ideal relationship in the future.
So let’s say you had a narcissistic parent, and keep attracting narcissistic partners. This is a clear indication that something within that relationship with your parent needs healing. It’s our nature to keep falling into that pattern because we want to take the power back in a scenario where we felt the power was taken away from us. For example, in my relationship with the narcissist, I kept going back to him thinking I could have the power over him in this way or another way. It was never the case and I was only hurting myself more each time. The universe is asking you to heal the relationship, not by reclaiming the power over that person or narcissists in general, but to find a healthy, loving, accepting relationship.
People-pleasing in dating
If you’re an empath, there’s a good chance you are a people pleaser, meaning you put others’ needs above your own. Since you feel emotions deeply for others, you’re so tuned in with others and you want to make their lives easier in whatever way possible. Because everyone is our mirror, we seem to think that through healing others, we can heal ourselves. The true work is healing ourselves before we try to help others because when we heal within, we inspire others to do the same.
People-pleasing tendencies can show up often in dating. Thoughts like “what do THEY think about ME” instead of “what do I think about THEM” are the most common. We also want to make the other person feel safe, comfortable, and not waste THEIR time. I often see my clients and other empaths wanting to make a decision early on about how they feel about someone.
It comes from this urgency to not waste anyone else’s time, when in reality, we can take our time to still be figuring out how we feel about the other person. You can take more than a few dates to make up your mind or fall in love. You can take as much time as you need to decide if you want to sleep with someone.
This urgency often stems from dating anxiety as well — the idea that we need to act on the person quickly otherwise we will lose them. This is another story vs. truth that you can rewrite for your dating experience. If anyone is pressuring you or ends up leaving because you didn’t act quickly enough, it wasn’t the right relationship for you. Dating anxiety is so common especially for empaths or sensitive people. The anxiety can be stemming from your date’s anxiety and from your past relationships. It’s so important to trust in divine timing and know that what’s meant to be, will happen.
Speaking of sleeping with someone — let’s talk about sex in dating for an empath
We’ve talked endlessly about sexual empathy, casual sex as an empath, and how to navigate your sexual energy. Not only is there so much energetic charge around dating and relationships, but also there’s just as much if not more in our sexuality. So the combination of the two can lead to an empathic rollercoaster.
If someone sparks our sexual energy, we tend to want to go into a sexual or romantic relationship early with someone who may be a poor choice for us despite our intuition. Ok bestie, not going to lie to you, literally just did this. Luckily now I have so many tools to restore my energy and know what’s going on. But this begs the age-old question of sex in dating — when is the right time to be intimate?
Honestly, I don’t believe there is any right time. It is always going to depend on who you’re with. I slept with someone on the first date and dated them for 3.5 years while I waited with others and the relationship was a quick fling anyways. I’m done with trying to control the right timing — diving timing is divine timing. When we’re talking about your delicate and delicious sexual energy, you might choose to be more careful with it. So if you don’t know the person that well, it can be harder to know what energy and emotion you would be taking on in a sexual encounter with them. You could know someone for years and still not know them well enough to know what energy you are taking on.
We also have absorbed so many stories from society about what happens to a relationship once sex is involved — the man loses interest, the woman becomes attached, the woman looks desperate if she sleeps with someone too early, the man is praised the more women he gets with, the woman looks like a whore. All stories I don’t choose to hold true because that isn’t the truth for everyone anymore. However, these stories influence the way we view sex in the dating game and can be the way our partner views sex.
In my coaching practice, I work with my clients on rewriting those stories. Rewriting the beliefs that we want to hold true in our relationships and sex. For example, if you have a belief that men (or women) lose interest after having sex with you, you’re going to keep attracting that type of person and situation. It’s a signal from the universe that you need to heal that belief and create and believe in a new one. So now the belief will be, when I choose to have sex with someone, the connection will be even more magnetized.
If you decide to wait to have sex and you’re waiting for the right sexual partner, this is a great time to heal your own sexual energetic space so that you can attract the right sexual partner. If you listen to last week’s episode about healing your sexual energy, that’s a great place to start. In healing and restoring your sexual energy, you can find such empowerment, independence, and sexual embodiment that will create a strong foundation for yourself and the partner you choose in the future.
“We all have baggage”
Your past relationships have an impact on all the relationships you manifest and the way you see yourself in relationships. The intimate relationships that become your foundation don’t stop at your romantic relationships, they are the relationships in your childhood, your friends, your coworkers, and everywhere else in your life. The sacral chakra hosts the energy of your intimate relationships and sexual energy. So often that area of our bodies can get stagnant when our intimacy in any area of our life is disrupted.
We take all of the relationships to form our understanding of what intimacy looks like. For someone who has only seen unhealthy relationships, that is their baseline understanding of what intimacy looks like. We also carry our past romantic relationships into our experiences with new romantic partners. We may hold onto beliefs about ourselves that our past partners have told us, which influence the way we operate in a new relationship. If our past partner told us that we weren’t worthy of anything better than them, we could still be holding onto that belief, and therefore, only attracting similar or worse relationships.
This is another area to rewrite and heal those beliefs that have told you you aren’t worthy of healthy, loving, accepting, nurturing relationships. Sometimes, we have to relearn a new version of intimacy that is sustainable and vulnerable.
How healing your past manifests your ideal partner
As you heal and restore your relationship space, you are making space for your authentic self and authentic beliefs about relationships. Once you live in alignment and operate consistently in alignment, you will naturally attract the partners in that same vibration. Manifesting your ideal partner often requires you to get clear about what you want your partner to be like and how you want them to make you feel in your relationship, and then act as your ideal partner. As you start to operate in alignment and be what you want to attract, that’s what will push you into the vibration that you want to be in to attract your ideal person.
So you’ve done it, you’ve found your person — now what?
Empathy continues in relationships, especially the deeper the connection becomes. Empaths can have a lower threshold for energy overload with their romantic partner because they are so deeply connected and emotionally intimate. The most empowering relationships for empaths are the ones that are secure, healthy, loving, and when BOTH partners want to open their hearts to each other.
As you navigate a relationship either as an empath or with an empath, it’s important to have ongoing conversations about your empath overload, your needs, how you can show up for your partner without draining your own energy, setting boundaries, and having designated alone time to recharge.
As an empath it’s important to note the following about dating and relationships:
- Your needs are just as important and valid as your partner’s
- It’s very often more about energy than words, but expressing that energy verbally is so important in communication
- Boundaries are the empath’s BFF — use them and stick to them — anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries doesn’t need a place at the table of your life
- It’s ok to need alone time, especially when you live with your partner
- Negotiate energetic and physical space with your partner
- Don’t be a people pleaser or try to fix that person
When empaths find the empowering, loving, and healthy relationships they deserve, they will feel safe, secure, seen, understood, and loved unconditionally. It’s something we all deserve. The sometimes harder lessons along the way only encourage us to practice and strengthen our self-love, ownership, and reclamation of our power. Empaths in the right relationships will thrive emotionally and feel empowered to express their needs without judgement or abandonment. As empaths, we can use our empathy to create healthy, loving relationships and inspire others around us to not settle for anything less. It’s in our power to manifest our ideal partners and create that foundation of love that we all seek.
If you’re interested in healing past relationships and manifesting the healthy relationships you deserve, you can learn more about my coaching practice where I help you release all the energies that have stopped you from attracting healthy, loving relationships so that you can manifest and attract the partner (or partners) that are in alignment with your needs.
Find me on TikTok and Instagram at @theelevatedempath and go check out my offerings and website at lisabtag.com to learn more about 1:1 empath coaching, Akashic Records readings, and Animal Communication readings.
Don’t forget to like, follow, share, subscribe, write a review, and I hope you feel elevated. See you next time.
